S1:E4 – Plain Sight

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode is about a serial rapist.  There are no descriptions of sexual violence in this post, but I tried to put the rest of the post behind a cut.  I’ll do this for any episodes that involve sexual violence, so as not to ambush folks who may be scrolling past.  Please please please let me know in comments if the cut doesn’t work!  I’m still new to WordPress!


(more…)

Advertisements

S1:E3 – Won’t Get Fooled Again

Content notes: Explosions, amputation, hospitals, prison and incarceration

 

We open on a guy in a car.  We’re in Palm Beach, Florida.  Again with the sunny skies and green grass while it’s all of 55 and rainy here, ugh.  Car guy gets out and approaches another guy carrying a box to his car, they argue.  First guy makes some threatening comments, turns to leave, then the second guy gets in his car and blows up!  Screaming and flames and opening credits.

We cut to Hotch and Gideon, and we learn there are multiple bombings, so the team is on the case! They discusses the nitty gritty of how the bombs were put together, and JJ comes in to inform them that there is already news coverage.  As they watch the tv, another bomb explodes behind the reporter!  Wheels up in 20!  (Everybody drink!)

We learn that Morgan’s Eyebrows have an ATF background, and he angles to be left behind to study the bomb fragments, and indicates that he still doesn’t trust Gideon. Hotch tells him to focus on the bomber, which Eyebrows really seems to take exception to.  I get the sense from some of his comments that we are meant to see Morgan as sort of distrusting the whole notion of mental health, that he maybe thinks of Gideon as weak for being affected by a traumatic event in the line of duty, and that THAT is why Morgan thinks he’s unsuited to return to duty, rather than any after effects of a traumatic event.  I’ll have to keep an eye on this as I re-watch the series, because I don’t really remember how this plays out except for a vague feeling that Morgan is shown to have trouble dealing with his emotions sometimes.

Plane quote — Samuel Johnson on imitation of others (foreshadowing!).

On the plane, the team discusses types of bombers, as well as the victims, who are all connected by a real estate development deal that went south after some dubious-sounding geology happened.  The team arrives in sunny Florida, and wonder why the guy with the bomb in his car wasn’t bombed in his home like the others. Was he carrying the bomb TO someone or had he just received it?

Eyebrows and Garcia “flirt” and “banter” in Quantico over a big pile of bomb fragments, and it’s super gross.  Eyebrows takes offense when Garcia says he “sounds like Gideon,” which is weird.  Eyebrows then makes some kind of comment about how Garcia got to the FBI that seems to be calling her stupid, and then gets really condescending as he teaches her about how looking at the way bombs are made can tell you a lot about the bomber.  We cut back to these two periodically through the rest of the episode, and it stays at about this level of gross.  I plan to talk more as we go about how troubling their relationship is, but we see clearly the beginnings of it here — Garcia is not “traditionally attractive” (for a TV value of attractive) and is supposed to enjoy and be grateful for the scraps of attention that someone like Morgan (very “traditionally attractive” and “out of her league”) gives her even though they’re backhanded at best and sometimes outright mean.  Blecch.

Hotch and Elle search the house of the guy who got blown up in his car.  They find a toolbox of pretty iffy evidence (wires and timers and what look like some needle-nose pliers), which includes “The Anarchist’s Cookbook,” which I find kind of hilarious in its obviousness.  Gideon and Reid interview the guy who got bombed in his car in his hospital room.  He says that he thinks the geologist scammed them, which sounds suspicious to me, because geologists as a rule are pretty awesome people.  Gideon calls Hotch and they figure the hospital guy isn’t the bomber.  Back in Quantico, Eyebrows explains an unsub’s “signature,” which is another time we should probably drink.  With Garcia’s quirky help (because Tetris is the purview of only quirky computer geeks), Morgan recognizes the “signature,” but says the guy who used it is in federal prison!  Must be a copycat!

Gideon and Hotch profile while CGI scenes happen in the background.  Sigh.  How long do they keep using this?  It looks ridiculous.  They talk a lot to get to the point that the bomber uses the bombs as a weapon to kill people and not to make some kind of political statement, and that the connections between the victims are the key.  I thought we already knew the victims were all part of that shady geology real estate deal?

Gideon goes off to a prison in Georgia to talk to the bomber that caused the disaster in Philly that gave him his mental health issues.  Hotchner gets a call from HQ about dealing with this bomber (Bale? Vale? I can’t quite make it out) and potentially making him a deal.  Hotchner would prefer not to but they may have no choice.  “We need information only the incarcerated serial killer can give us” sounds…..really familiar.  I feel like I’ve read that book already? Anyway. The bomber gives a below-average twitchy serial killer performance, and he and Gideon try to mess with each other.  Bomber makes comments about the event in Philly, Gideon reminds him that he’s locked up and that Gideon put him there.

JJ gives a suspiciously well-timed press conference that a housewife sees just before her kid goes to the door to receive a package that is identical to the bombs.  Bomb squad gets to the scene while the mom freaks out and the kid does some pretty terrible acting.  The whole scene is meant to be really intense and scary but it’s just a scene of a guy putting a table under a box, so it’s kind of not.

s1e3 table box

You can’t fool me, intense background music.

Elle tells Hotch about some coin insurance thing that one of the victims had going on that I didn’t really follow, and Elle goes off to interview some coin dealer.  Reid gets Garcia on the phone to track Bale’s (ok I looked it up) internet usage in prison, and they send him a virus disguised as porn in order to track his keystrokes.  First of all, I mean, you must be some kind of dumbass to click on a spam email porno link in the first place, let alone from the prison computer, right?  Wouldn’t the prison computer block porn sites anyway?  Second of all, wouldn’t the prison have some kind of tracking software installed on the computers already?  They watch Bale access a message board for bomb enthusiasts (another site you would think a prison would filter), and they use the message board to try to find the unsub.  One of the message board users is the antiquities dealer that Elle is on her way to see!

Coin guy does a runner as Elle arrives at his house, running over his wife in the process.  Elle and Hotch find not only a bomb making operation but a coin faking operation.  The local PD informs us that they located his antique shop and basically everything there is a fake, “forgeries worth millions,” which is a weird sentence really.  He even forged his bombs!  Gideon and Hotch decide that he blew up the first victim because she found him out, then planted the other bombs to send the cops on a wild goose chase.  So then their profile was wrong, because they said the victims weren’t random, that they were all connected.  Well, let’s not dwell on that too much.  I wonder how we can distract the audience away from this glaring plot hole?  Ooh!

A thin dark-skinned guy with an accent walks into the police station, and we see he is strapped with a bomb with a countdown timer and a piece around his neck like a necklace — he says a guy put the bomb on him at gunpoint and makes some demands (passport, chopper, etc).  The bomber must be close by, so the cops get snipers in place; snipers locate the guy in an adjacent building.  This is a ton more compelling than the little girl with the box, which was never mentioned again. We never learn if it was an actual bomb or not, even. Anyway, the necklace bomb is extremely complex, and the bomb squad doesn’t know how to diffuse it, and the countdown timer is ticking away.  Gideon tries to keep the guy calm but does have to explain to him that they may run out of time.  The bomb-rigged guy doesn’t totally love hearing that.  They put the guy in some kind of ballistic cage? in the middle of a big open-plan office?

s1e3 bomb cage

Sure, ok.

Elle and Hotch and the locals go after the unsub.  Gideon gets a call from Eyebrows about an email from Bale to the unsub about never giving himself up.  Gideon gets on the walkie just in time to tell Hotch and the SWAT team to get out of there, and the unsub blows himself up.  There’s a rather nice shot of Hotch, Elle, and a bunch of explosion.

s1e3 nice cinemetography

Crap! Now how will they diffuse the necklace bomb?  Where would they find someone with the insight into the way this unsub thinks?  I’ll give you a hint:

silence_of_the_lambs

Gideon and Hotchner ship Bale to Florida (unfortunately there is no straightjacket, dolly, and mask involved) and negotiate in the police station; I sure hope the hostage can’t hear this.  Bale wants a transfer to a mental institution, and he asks Gideon to “confess” that he was outsmarted in Boston and to apologize to the families of the six people who were killed.  Gideon agrees and they put everything in writing — Bale’s lawyer clarifies that if the information is incorrect, then the deal is void.  Hm, I wonder if we should remember that?  Bale insists Gideon state his apology and confession out loud, so he does, with some emotion, while Hotch watches, stoic and unmoved; we can see the hostage in the background, looks like he’s behind some glass so hopefully he can’t hear.

They bring Bale in to look at the bomb, and of course it’s either the blue wire or the red wire.  You would think that something that was going to be blown up and not, you know, serviced at a later date, wouldn’t need color-coded wires.  Bale says it’s the red, and Gideon clarifies again that if he’s wrong, he gets nothing they agreed to (interesting! I wonder what will happen!).  With only 16 seconds left, Gideon tells the bomb squad guy to cut the blue wire! The bomb timer stops!

How did he know?!  Gideon flashbacks to a conversation with Bale about how much he gets off on pushing that button, and how if he had a chance to do it again, he’d have no choice.  Bale goes back to prison, whomp whomp.  Gideon gets to fuck with him a little bit, telling him how much he enjoyed putting him behind bars, and walks away with a smug face. Then credits, with no closing plane quote!  Alas.

 

Reid’s hair floppiness rating: Still at a 1.5 out of 10, I’m afraid.  Still all sort of slicked down and weird.

S1:E2 – Compulsion

S1:E2 – Compulsion

Content note: descriptions of arson and fire, people trapped in an elevator, descriptions of bullying behavior around stuttering

 

We open with a “previously on unsub” segment where we hear again about the Footpath Killer, while we see the maybe-flashback scene from episode 1, of Inigo Montoya stopping for gas and having a shotgun pulled on him.  The gas station attendant takes Gideon captive while Nine Inch Nails plays.  Glad Trent is still getting work!  Gideon tells him he knows why he stutters, then we cut back to Gideon’s office in the present day. So it WAS a flashback after all.  Ok.  He’s talking to some students, trying to deflect their hero worship, and they try to guess what Gideon knows about the killer’s stutter, and he won’t say.  Elle Greenaway comes in, so we guess she’s part of the team now, good for her.  It’s still pretty much a boy’s club though.

We meet JJ, a young thin blonde woman, who is the “unit liason.”  So that brings the team up to four male agents, one female agent, plus a female “unit liason” and a female “technical analyst.”  That’s….not terrific.  Of course, we’re also talking about a group that has all of one single person of color.  Although I guess on TV this counts as “diversity.”  Anyway.

The BAU team chats and banters, and Eyebrows tries to give Reid advice on playing chess with Gideon (his super useful advice is to think outside the box).  The BAU team is called to the conference room, though, so banter time is over, which is too bad, because I kind of love to hate Eyebrows giving advice to Reid.  Hey Morgan — maybe not everyone WANTS to have the kind of life you do!  Ahem.

JJ leads the team meeting as they review video footage of an arson attack, which shows a young white male college student filming a fire from his dorm room window.  The student’s roommate goes to the door of their dorm room, where he is suddenly engulfed by flames.  The team watches, stoic.  Credits.

Plane quote!  Einstein on imagination being more important than knowledge.  They really grabbed the low-hanging fruit early on, didn’t they?  Nietzsche last week and now Einstein.

On the plane, Reid plays chess against himself and spouts facts and figures on arson and arsonists while the team discusses the spate of fires on campus.  I’ve read previously, although of course I can’t find where now, that Matthew Gray Gubler makes an effort to be sensitive in his portrayal of Dr. Reid as someone on the autism spectrum; you can see this in his attention to the little things the character does, such as wearing his watch on the outside of his sleeve, avoiding eye contact at times, or not shaking hands.  Unfortunately, most of the time, the writers seem to think that “someone on the autism spectrum” can be summed up by an awkward guy spewing out lengthy lists of facts.

Now we’re told we are at Bradshaw College in Tempe, AZ.  Man it looks sunny and nice there.  Upstate NY has many good qualities, but an overabundance of sunshine and blue skies are not among them.  The team meets with the dean and the fire inspector, checks out the sites of the fires, and examines the firestarting devices, while the audience observes that Reid’s hair is still doing a sort of slicked-down thing but is looking less full of product and more floopy than the previous episode.  The dean is wearing a really awesome green patterned wrap dress that I really want.

s1e2 dress

Gideon has what at first appears to be a series of flashbacks to the mystery event in his past that caused him to be on medical leave. But as we see more of them, they could also just be him thinking about fire and firefighting since the images are kind of generic. I’m not sure if this is meant to be characterization or just some random file footage of firefighters that are being used to set the mood.

Gideon notices that the water is turned off to the building that he and the dean are in, and pulls the fire alarm, but is too late to prevent a professor from being killed by a fire in his office.  He goes a little crazy trying to get to the guy and Eyebrows has to pull him out.  Mandy Patinkin really goes to town chewing up the scenery here.  Just nomming it all to bits.  Elle takes photos of the crowd, since arsonists usually like to watch their handiwork; she zooms in on several people, and I guess we are meant to be misdirected by this.  Speaking of, a “science department” research assistant offers to help, saying he knows how the arsonist did it.  “Science department”?  What kind of college is this?

More of those terrible CGI scenes where team members are suddenly in crowds or at crime scenes.  I think it probably sounded better in the writing meetings than it looks on screen.

Gideon profiles a student security guard, because when you’re trying to catch an arsonist with a diminishing time period between crimes, you definitely have time for party tricks.  We cut to Reid, Hotch, and the fire inspector meeting with the “research assistants” in the “science department,” who inform them about how to make a self-igniting molotov cocktail.  I can’t imagine that this is brand new chemistry to the fire inspector?  Maybe we’re meant to believe that the agents and the inspector are investigating the students?  Wevs.

We cut to JJ and Garcia, combing through the fire hotline calls — Garcia has found something suspicious! A distorted voice saying they are doing “it” for “Karen,” (or what the team says is “Karen,” but I actually hear “Carole”) so the team starts locating all Karens on campus.  Sure.  All the Karens get brought in for interviews, which on this re-watch strikes me as odd.  What are they hoping to find?  Eyebrows even says as much, later — “Why don’t we change the first question to ‘have you recently dated a homicidal pyromaniac?'” Garcia and Eyebrows flirt some more, chemistrylessly, while Gideon mentors at Reid and tells him to think outside the arsonist box.

Gideon is walking through the “science department,” looking at what appear to be science fair projects on the walls.  What kind of college IS this?  He sees the security guard from before and asks about the kid’s girlfriend, who Gideon predicted he would break up with.  The kid confirms, saying he’s met someone new.   “What’s her name?” Gideon asks.  “Brian,” the kid deadpans.  It’s kind of a terrific moment, and the kid’s comedic timing and the face he makes is just perfect. The kid makes some comments about the nasty homophobic things his ex-girlfriend said, and Gideon runs off with A Genius Idea!

Back in the darkest computer office in the world, Garcia informs Eyebrows that the mystery caller isn’t saying “Karen,” but “something more like ‘Karone.’”  Eyebrows makes kind of a nasty joke here — Garcia asks him if she figures out what “karone” is, does she get a night of passionate lovemaking, and Eyebrows says “yeah — with REID,” who turns around with surprise.  Yeah, I mean, it’s not THAT big a deal, but I know plenty of people who were on the receiving end of “jokes” like that — being asked out only to be laughed at for it, for e.g. — to be able to read  it as all in good fun.  Also, Reid is extremely attractive — the actor was once a MODEL for chrissakes.  So shut up, Eyebrows.

The team puzzles over this for a bit when Gideon comes running in.  It’s charon — Hebrew — God’s burning anger!  The team brainstorms outside the box of typical arsonists with this new religious evidence!  We are treated to a close-up of Reid’s hands, which are thin and elegant but whose nails are really long.

s1e2 reid hand

I really hate long nails on men; it reminds me of an ex I’d rather not remember.  Boo.  The scene is otherwise very nice, with some tremendous Reid cheekbone shadows and intense looks.

s1e2 reid cheekbones

Reid realizes the arsonist has a religiously-focused form of OCD focused on the number 3, which is why he is setting fires and why the profile doesn’t match a “typical” arsonist.  Hotch thinks he knows who it is — and he is a she!  One of the “science department” “research assistants.”

Hotch ticks off the evidence as Eyebrows and Elle go to her apartment.  It’s not a bad creepy unsub apartment, really — dark and spooky, covered floor to ceiling in handwritten pages and drawings of demons, weird curtains and candles, and of course just chock full of homemade bombs.  Hotch uncovers that the girl survived a fire in her childhood at her home, which was number 333 on her street!  The team try to locate the girl on campus.

We cut to three (!) of the research assistants getting onto an elevator, which is stopped by a mystery hand holding a lighter (!) on the third (!) floor.  (Guys, I don’t know if you’re getting where this is going, it’s pretty subtle.)  The BAU team activates the fire alarm in the “science building,” seriously what IS that, I mean, the dean says the arsonist girl is a “chemistry major,” so clearly they have proper departments, but only one “science department” and “science building”?  Anyway, nobody can find the girl.  Oh no, the three kids are in the service elevator that you need a key for and nobody knows they are there!  The girl shows up at the elevator and sprays the students with some kind of flammable (one presumes) liquid.

The arsonist girl does some basic yet enjoyable “crazy religious arsonist” acting, all googly eyes and rocking and chanting.  Hotch remembers about the elevator and finds the girl.  It seems to me that the actual university people would know about this elevator as well and would have checked it?  No?  Anyway, Hotch tries to talk her out of setting the kids in the elevator on fire (despite telling Gideon not to try to do that), and ultimately shoots her in the leg.  Gideon arrives just in time to catch the lit matches and make a pithy comment.

Back on the plane, Elle continues to needle Gideon about the Footpath Killer, and guesses that Gideon only told the killer he knew why he stuttered to distract him. Gideon kind of deflects until Elle asks the right question — what REALLY happened back then? Gideon tells her he knows how to make a stutter worse, and we flash back to Gideon, the gas station guy, and his shotgun.  Gideon makes fun of him and his stutter, laughs at him and tells him he can’t understand him, until the guy gets distracted enough that Gideon can make a grab for the gun.  We flash back to the plane, where he plays chess with Reid and Reid’s Cheekbones, who I submit should get separate billing because they are just that great.

Plane quote: Faulkner on trying to be better than yourself.  Seriously, writers, you have many more seasons coming up, you better find some deeper cuts.

 

Reid’s Hair Floppiness Rating: 1.5 out of 10.  Better than previous episode but not very floppy at all, objectively.

S1:E1 – Extreme Aggressor

Content notes: descriptions of abduction, prison, bound woman, gun violence

Welcome everyone!  We are starting right at the very beginning with these recaps!  I know and you know everyone’s names, backstories, etc., but I’m going to try my best to recap these as though I’ve never seen the series before.  I’ll try to add content notes to each episode, and I’ll try to keep descriptions of the violence minimal, but readers should be cautioned that this series has some pretty graphic violence, so take care of yourselves!

We open on an overhead view of what we are told is Seattle, Washington.  It’s rainy.  I mean, that’s one of, what, three things everyone knows about Seattle, right, so of course it’s rainy.  We’re in an open plan office (ugh) and we zoom in on an attractive white woman at her computer, negotiating the purchase of an orange vintage car of some kind (look, if you want car details you could probably look them up yourself).  She goes to meet the seller and test drive the extremely orange car, but is instead abducted when she gets into the passenger seat to get a ride back to her office!  A truly terrible industrial metal cover of the song “In The Air Tonight” by grody dude Phil Collins plays as she is driven away, so that’s a thing in the world.

We cut to a series of vignettes — a white mixed-gender couple putting together a crib and batting around baby names.  The name Gideon is suggested, but shot down by the man, just before the fax machine (in their bedroom?) rings, and the man gets all stony-faced and serious.  Interior of a club, where a handsome black man with expressive eyebrows entertains a stock photo-worthy mixed-race group of young ladies, getting suddenly serious and curt when the name Gideon is mentioned. Their evening is interrupted by a call from what one of the ladies helpfully tells us is the “BAU — Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

I’m not saying Gideon is Aslan, but I’m not saying he’s not.  Who is this mystery man?  Why does his very name provide such unusual reactions?

Inigo Montoya is lecturing students about “the Footpath Killer,” describing what he told the Virgina police about him.  He helpfully informs the audience that we should refer to suspects as “the unknown subject, or unsub” — this is where you should all take a drink — before being interrupted by an adorable young skinny guy who taps a folder urgently.  Inigo and cute guy discuss details of the Seattle case, and are interrupted by Stony Face and Eyebrows, who inform Inigo that his medical leave is up and he is needed for One Last Job (or whatever).  Inigo stands to the right of the screen and stares into the middle distance.

s1e1 mandy 1

 

They are off to Seattle!

I want to point out here that we’re six minutes in, and still know nobody’s name, not even Gideon’s.  Reid calls him “boss,” and nobody addresses anyone else.   Hotchner doesn’t even say the name of the director of the FBI, just says “the director.”  This seems odd in a pilot, almost like we’re already supposed to know these people.  We are also just now getting to the title screen and still have not seen the opening credits.

Super Srs Plane Quote is from Joseph Conrad.  Something something evil of men.

We get a name — Gideon!  Stony Face is being told to keep an eye on him, something about returning to duty.  And finally credits so that’s nice.

Plane discussion of the crimes, which involve abducting young women and strangling them.  We get a glimpse of the abducted car buyer in a cage, blindfolded and chained up.  BAU arrives in Seattle, and ominously walks and gossips about Gideon.  We get introduced to the whole team, with names, finally!  Reid’s hair is doing some weird slicked-down thing, and is not at all floppy today.  Disapointing.  Lots of background Gideon gossip goes on as the team visits the crime scene, talks with the local cops and FBI units, visits the victim’s family, etc. Eyebrows is skeptical, Reid is adorably nerdy, Gideon spends some time standing to the right of the screen and staring into the middle distance while at the crime scene.

s1e1 mandy 2

The team discusses the profile, while Gideon stands to the right of the screen, staring into the middle distance.

s1e1 mandy 3

Gideon suddenly says he is ready to give the profile but how can he be ready already?!  Guys, don’t worry, he’s a super profiling genius.  Gideon gives the profile in a weirdly dark room full of mostly guys in suits.  He tells them that they have already interviewed the unsub.  Dun dun DUNNNNNN.

Oh man, I forgot all the terrible CGI graphics they used early on.  Woof.

Seemingly unrelated scene of a young, brunette, white woman asking for help from an elderly lady because she found the house she is house-sitting suspiciously open. Grandson is sent to help.  Suddenly the FBI bursts out and the skinny weird-looking white kid from Road Trip is arrested.  I guess we are supposed to understand that since they have already interviewed the unsub, they were able to figure out who it was and go arrest him?  It’s not made clear.

Ooh another quote.  That’s unusual.  Emerson this time on riddles.

We talk with Elle Greenaway, who led the raid and who wants into the BAU.  Something is wrong — the profile doesn’t match up with this kid.  We get some really ridiculous discussion and profiling of the kid’s game of Go (of course by Reid, what’s wrong with you?), which you would think would be done to death on these types of shows by now but I’m certain I’ve also caught episodes of NUMB3RS that involved it so who knows.  Gideon interviews the kid in the kitchen and the kid tries to psych him out by talking about Gideon’s dead friend.  Gideon glares, then gets up and exits, pursued by Hotchner, who tries to talk to Gideon about his return to duty.  Gideon stands to the right of the screen and stares into the middle distance.

s1e1 mandy 4

Anyway, we are meant to think Gideon is freaking out about his dead friend, but not so!  He has had a profiling realization!  Gideon knows his profile can’t be wrong, because he’s a super profiling genius, so there must be a second unsub!

Bustle bustle, interview creepy kid’s grandma, and here’s Garcia, the in betweenie-sized (“TV fat” as my friends call it) “quirky” white lady computer genius!  Hooray!

Can I say for the record just how very much I hate her relationship with Eyebrows?  We’ll get into it later in the series, I’m sure.  For now they do some chemistry-less flirting and we continue bustling about trying to figure out who the second unsub is.  This scene seems to have been included just so that Garcia gets introduced in the pilot; she has zero help to give them in guessing this kid’s password.

We go to a series of pretty quick cuts between the three sets of team members: Reid and Eyebrows trying to break into the skinny kid’s computer, Gideon and Elle following a lead on the kid’s prison time, and Hotchner doing some tricksy interrogation maneuvers.  More background Gideon gossip.

Woah, another quote!  Churchill on looking to the past to understand the future.  Glad they didn’t keep this up, this is a lot of quotes.

Gideon and Elle see the prison guard’s keychain and realize the vintage car belongs to him and they have their second unsub, hooray! Reid and Eyebrows go to a lot of effort to make a pretty terrible Metallica joke.  Elle impresses Gideon when they chase and pull over the vintage orange car, which contains a guy who is NOT the unsub!

More fast cuts.  Urgent bustle music, computer password is guessed via the magic of Metallica, video of kidnapped girl, urgent phone calls, urgent bustle tricksy interrogations, the girl is on a boat!  Hotchner gets the creepy kid to snitch and now we are off to the shipyard!  Gideon and Elle arrive just as the second unsub gets there, and they don’t wait for backup, of course.

Does anyone ever wait for backup on this show?  (I guess we’ll find out.)  (But I’m guessing the answer is “nope.”)

Anyway, showdown on the boat, Gideon talks about the unsub’s penis, like, at great length (oof sorry), unsub gets mad enough to drop the girl and shoot Gideon, which means Elle can shoot our unsub and everyone lives happily ever after with absolutely no consequences or paperwork after discharging your weapon and KILLING A DUDE in the line of duty!  Suddenly it’s daylight.  Seriously, it wasn’t dawn before, it was pitch dark.  Now it’s bright daylight.  I guess we’re meant to read this as “the bad stuff is over, now it’s a new day,” but come on, guys, this isn’t a time-travel show.  More Gideon gossip, plane quote (Nietzsche on the abyss, REALLY?), baby name talk.

Mysterious cut to Gideon at a rural gas station, and we see all the things he was talking about when he was describing the Footpath Killer at the beginning of the episode (red pickup, photos, stutter), so we guess this is a flashback, because they were in Seattle in this ep and the Footpath killer was in VA?  We cut to black as the attendant pulls a shotgun on Gideon! Oh and that terrible song comes back.

Reid’s hair floppiness rating: 1 out of 10, very bad, all greasy and slicked-down, IDEK you guys.

Greetings!

This is where I’ll be writing fun and (hopefully) funny recaps of the tv show Criminal Minds.  Check back weekly for updates!